Dear Ady,
My fiancé has recently proposed and we are in the very early stages of planning our wedding. Both sets of parents have previously alluded to contributing financially to the wedding, but since we have been engaged, neither has brought up the topic. I know I need to establish my budget, but I have no idea what they are planning to give.
I am feeling a little bit shy about asking for and discussing financial help for our big day, especially with my fiance's parents, and I was hoping you could give me some suggestions. Do you have any recommendations on how to initially bring this topic up with our parents? Is this a meeting that we have with both sets of parents together, or should we have separate conversations? Thanks, Ady! Any advice will help!
Sincerely,
Meghan J., Columbus, Ohio
Dear Meghan,
Ah yes, the dreaded budget conversation. This topic is tricky on many levels, but especially tricky when you have to bring it up! Your first step will be to do your due diligence and put together a budget for what you THINK your wedding will cost. Make some initial venue calls and put down some preliminary numbers on paper. Be thorough - don't forget little details like tuxedo rentals, save the dates, and transportation. Smaller budget items tend to add up quickly.
After you have established your preliminary budget, talk with your fiancé about what the two of you can afford to contribute, IF you need to.
At that point, it is best that you have individual conversations with your parents rather than a group conversation. If you are uncomfortable about being included in the conversation with your fiance's parents, there may be a good reason for that. You should each be prepared to speak to your parents privately and independently of each other.
It is "tradition" that the bride's parents host the bulk of the wedding day activities, while the groom's parents host the rehearsal dinner and the "day-before" details. It is important to ask your parents what their expectations are before launching into what you expect of them. If the two expectations do not coincide, you will then need to have a deeper conversation about what you actually need.
A few further bits of advice:
Until you know how much you have to spend, refrain from making big planning decisions. You don't want to blow a large chunk of your budget on a designer dress or super expensive venue if you can't actually afford it.
Embrace your budget. Whatever it is, is what it is. You must work within it. It does not make sense to go into debt to host a party more lavish than what you can comfortably pay for.
Be grateful that your parent's are contributing to the costs, no matter how much that amount is. Be sure to show them your gratitude.
You can do it! You aren't the first and won't be the last bride to find herself in this predicament. It WILL work out!
xo, Ady
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