Wedding Wednesday: Ask Ady!

Ask Ady!  I don't want to attend my ex's wedding solo!  

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Dear Ady, 

I was originally invited to my ex-boyfriends wedding (an ex from 10+ years ago).  We have remained very good friends.  When the save the date arrived my boyfriend at the time and I were invited together and both planned to attend.  Said boyfriend and I have now broken up and the wedding invitation I received did not include a guest.  I don’t know why but it bothered me, but also, I don’t want to attend solo.   Should I ask the groom, my long-time friend and ex, if I can bring a date?   Or is that inappropriate?

Helpless in Hoboken, 

Ellie, Hoboken, NJ

Dear Ellie, 

You should not ask to bring a date if your hosts did not specify on the invitation that you may.  Often times, the bride and groom prefer to keep their guest list limited to only those that they know personally, hence, your most recent ex being invited initially.  Since they chose to leave "and guest" off the invitation, they have sent a clear message that they would prefer that just you attend their wedding. 

Furthermore, examine the reasons why you would be hesitant to attend alone.  If you will be uncomfortable to see your ex get married, or won't know anyone at your table, for examples, I say it's probably best to not attend at all.  Having a "wingman" attend with you will not make any of the reasons you are hesitant better.  Again, you may want to give these reasons further thought - 9 times out of 10, ex's getting married bring up well-buried emotions no matter HOW long you have been out of the relationship.  You know best if you fall into the 9 category, or are the 1 who was able to move on with no strings attached.  

My advice?  Send a lovely gift and your best wishes. 

I hope I "Helped you in Hoboken!"  :) 

- Ady