Ask Ady: Cash Bar v. Hosted Bar

Dear Ady,

One of my good friends is in the middle of planning her wedding.  Sometimes she will ask for my advice on certain issues, as I have a very large family and have been a guest at many many receptions.  In a recent conversation, she had asked for my thoughts on hosting a cash bar at her wedding (which she is currently planning on).  In my opinion, I would not expect my guests to pay for a drink at my house, and therefore, I would not expect my friends and family to pay for a drink at my wedding.  Weddings are already expensive, and I know that adding in alcohol only makes those dollar signs go up, but are there any other opinions to make an open bar less expensive?  What are you thoughts on hosting a cash bar at a wedding?


Thanks for any advice,

Grace
Savannah, GA

Dear Grace, 

Ah yes, the cash bar conundrum.  Your instincts (and adherence to appropriate etiquette) are correct.  While offering a cash bar may seem like a great money saving option, it's terrible for your friend's PR.  If she TRULY cannot afford to provide alcohol for her guests, then I would recommend that she not serve it at her reception, at all.  Perhaps there is a bar in the venue open to the public that thirsty guests can visit if they need a drink - she should spread the word that this is the case so that guests are prepared for a dry(ish) wedding.  

She may also want to consider changing the format of her wedding.  If she is planning a sit-down dinner in the evening, perhaps it becomes a heavy hors d'oeuvres party which will free up dollars to include a bar.  Or perhaps, she hosts a beautiful brunch with just a bloody mary and mimosa bar.  

However, if she can eek out some dollars here and there to offer alcoholic beverages at her evening wedding, that is the way to go.  Even if it's just beer and inexpensive wine.  Guests will remember a cash bar long-after they will ever remember decor, the cake, favors, and other accoutrements so perhaps she reduces her budget for these items to allow for a hosted bar.  

Assuming that her wedding is still some time away, I would also suggest that she start saving monthly for the bar expenses.  Refraining from buying those new jeans here, or having a steak dinner there, will quickly add up to a nice little nest-egg to use toward her bar costs.  

The bottom line is this, most guests want to have an adult beverages at weddings.  Period.  Of these guests, few will feel warm and fuzzy about footing the bill.  Double Period. 

Grace - tread lightly when discussing this with your friend.  She may not take it well. And if she does go forth with a cash bar, I would recommend you carry a well-appointed flask in your evening bag.  

Good luck!

-Ady

Wedding Wednesday: Travel Apps

For our destination wedding hosts, guests, and, of course, honeymooners, traveling abroad or to any foreign locale CAN be a breeze!  Check out these helpful apps, and ask yourself, again, how did we ever live without our smart phones?  

Communication & Etiquette: 

Google Translate

64 languages are available for written and spoken translation. 

Vocre
Translates anything you say into the mic.  Just set the language you want to translate from, then plug in the language you'd like to translate to.  But be sure to speak clearly, you don't want Siri to ask for octopus arms when you wanted tuna sashimi!

World Customs

This app features cultural facts and traditions allowing travelers to seek immerse in the foreign soil they travel. Learn proper greetings, gender issues, taboos, and gestures for 165 different countries. 

Money Matters:
Oanda Currency Converter 
Chose from over 190 currencies and 4 metals to convert your money when traveling.

Getting There:
Packing Pro
Don't forget anything at home!  Create a list of items to pack, or select from sample lists to ensure you have everything you need!

 TripIt
No more looking through countless emails for reservations - with this app, all your itineraries are in one place!  You will have your flight times, rental car information & hotel accommodations at just a glance.

Getting Around:
AroundMe
This locator app tells your all the points of interest around your detect location.  Find what you're looking for by selecting from categories such as, restaurants, museums, and bars.

LocalEats
Skip the national-chain restaurants.  Eat like a local.  This app features independently-owned restaurants and local places only!

HopStop
HopStop takes the guesswork out of even the most complex public transportation systems.  Never again will you be the tourist holding the map in the middle of SoHo!   Enter your starting point and destinations and HopStop will provide step-by-step instructions.

Just for Fun:
Postagram
ONE OF OUR FAVORITES!  Bring back the charm in sending a postcard to friends and family while vacationing.  Upload a picture to this app, type in a message and the recipient's address.  A personalized postcard will be delivered to their (actual) mailbox within a few days.

Trip Journal 
Not one to scrapbook?  Don't worry!  This app tracks your trip's pictures for you by GPS.  You can even have your friends share your vacation with you by inviting them onto your page!  They will be able to see what places you have visited and all the pictures you've taken.

Convert Clothes
Shoppers!  While traveling abroad, let this clothing size converter help you when trying on foreign fashions.

Wednesday Wednesday: An Invitation to Remember

Every bride wants an invitation that is so beautiful and unique that guests agree, it is just too lovely to throw away!  Brides are making trendy statements with 3D invitations, patterns and pops of color to make sure that their invitation stands out amongst the others!

3D

Forget about the plain envelope and flat card.  Brides are taking invitations to the next level with pocket folds, bellybands and booklets to make sure their wedding invitations are not missed!

Photo and Graphic Design done by our friend Ink and Ivory Design Studio 

Patterned

Patterns are on the rise AND we LOVE them!  From backing to borders to bellybands to liners - you cannot go wrong!  Patterns are also a great way to introduce your theme and set the tone for your BIG DAY.  

Photos courtsey of Micky Chase Jewelry and Oh So Beautiful Paper

Pop of Color

Don't be afraid of experimenting with a little bit of color when it comes to invitations!  While, save the dates have traditionally lent themselves more easily to color, don't fret about carrying it right on through to your invitation.   We love using colored paper and special ink treatments (such as foil stamping) to achieve color that wows.  

Photos courtsey of Marilyn Keepsakes and Parrott Design Studio 

Ask Ady: Destination Wedding Gift Giving

Dear Ady:

My new husband and I are attending a destination wedding for a good friend in Mexico. I have received invitations to the bachelorette party and shower. Do we buy this friend a wedding gift also or is attending her destination wedding gift enough?  What is the wedding etiquette with destination weddings when the travel is over $1000?

Not to mention, I did not invite her to any of my showers? 

Sincerely,

Mrs. Newly-Married-And-Trying-To-Furnish-A-Home

Dear Newly Married, 

Well, you aren't going to love my answer, but yes, you do need to give your friend a gift for her wedding.  It is your choice to attend her wedding whether it be in Mexico or around the corner from your own home.  Regarding the shower and bachelorette, again, the gracious thing to do is to also give a gift. 

However, you do not need to break the bank.  My advice is this.  Commit to a TOTAL gift amount in your mind.  Let's say $100. I know this is pillows for your new couch, but think how you would feel if guests attended your recent wedding and opted to have THEIR flight/hotel be YOUR wedding gift.  Out of that $100, purchase something small for the shower (around $20-$30).  Perhaps a fun cookbook or kitchen utensils from her registry.   Also, purchase something small for the Bachelorette (panties aren't THAT expensive), let's say $10, and with the $70 that is left, purchase a lovely something to send as the wedding gift. 

Note, if you don't attend the Bachelorette, you can get away with not giving a gift.  However, even if you do not attend the shower, you will still need to send something.  

It is important to remember that the couple should be given a gift as a THANK YOU for hosting you at what will surely be a beautiful evening in Mexico, and subsequently as a token to remember you by as they start their new life.  

Just buy a few fewer lattes over the next couple of months and you will rack up your "gift budget" quickly.  

xoxo, Ady 

ON THE FLIP SIDE....BRIDES!  Listen up!  Be sure to go easy on your guests and manage your expectations!  With destination wedding travel, it may be cost-prohibitive for some guests give a large gift.  Remember, the memories with your guests are the best gifts you will receive.   

One more tip, do not invite any guest to more than one shower with the exception of your immediate family and bridal party.  Be sure to let your bridal party/family know that you do not expect them to attend all showers and that you do not expect them to give you a shower gift, at all.  

Ask Ady: I Wasn't Included on the Save the Date!

Dear Ady,

My boyfriend and I have lived together for over a year and we recently learned a friend of his got engaged.  I have only met his friend a few times and have never met his fiance. We received the save the date for their wedding and it's in Mexico!  We live in Hoboken, [New Jersey] but think going to their wedding will be great as long as we can plan ahead financially.  Here's the thing - I wasn't included on the save the date.  Is this customary?   I'm not sure what to think or how to plan. 

As a side note and relevant to my question, we were planning to take a vacation in the upcoming year anyway so my bf said if I don't go to the wedding he wouldn't go because we couldn't afford to do both.  We just aren't sure how to proceed with our plans.  I hope you have some insight.

Thanks, 

Melissa, Hoboken, NJ 

Hi Melissa,

These are very valid concerns.  First and foremost, as a couple who lives together and is in a serious committed relationship, you SHOULD have been included on the save the date by name.   However, my gut tells me that this may have been an oversight - remember wedding planning is very stressful and procuring guest list names is often quite detailed and daunting.  When the groom submits his list to his fiancé he sometimes isn't as diligent in creating the list with all the titles and inclusions that we ladies know to be correct. 

It is likely that the groom simply forgot or didn’t realize that there is a specific etiquette.  As an example of how easily this can happen, my husband misspelled names of guests and simply forgot to  invite several people to our wedding and trust me, I prodded him like no other.  It's quite embarrassing, but the gentleman just don't know! 

 SO - I would encourage your BF to contact his pal to confirm that this indeed was a simple (and forgivable) oversight.  If this is the case - GO and HAVE FUN!   

 However, if the couple's intention is to only invite your boyfriend, this is another matter entirely.   Let's not speculate the reasons why, let's simply think through what this means for you.   As a couple (and one who sounds quite serious) you need to decide what will be best for both of you.  And if that means that your boyfriend chooses not to travel all the way to Mexico alone and to use your vacation funds on this particular wedding, well then that is the risk this couple ran when they did not invite the entire entity. 

I hope this helps,

Ady