Wedding Wednesday: How to Nail a Toast

Wow!  It's such an honor that the bride or groom chose YOU to give the toast on their special day.  But, as you prepare you may feel the pressure mounting:
Will I be funny?
Will guests be bored?
Will my voice crack?
Will I sob uncontrollably?
I sure don't want to embarrass myself - or worse, THEM!
(well,  maybe just a tiny bit) 

Don't worry, we're here to help!

AE Brings you...

How to Nail a Toast:

Photo Courtesy of Bridal Musings

Practice makes perfect! 

Write your speech down.  PRACTICE!  Try to memorize key phrases.
BUT, don't read it word for word, and DEFINITELY, don't read it from your phone. 

Do it alone.  

A joint speech can get messy!
Unless very very choreographed, duo speeches can be distracting and confusing. 

Photo Courtesy of Bridesmaids 

Be Specific.  

Give short elaborations. Stay away from long sagas.
Keep content personal to the bride and groom. 

Be appropriate. 

Leave exes and former love life out of it!
Rule of thumb - if you are questioning whether to add a particular anecdote, don't. 

It's okay to get emotional.

Bring a tissue. 

Photo Courtesy of Southern Weddings 

Be yourself.

 Mean what you say.
Humor needs to be heartfelt and authentic.
Don't force funny.

Still need help?
Follow this formula:

Introduce yourself and your relationship to the bride/groom
 +

Tell a catchy story about your friend
+
Tell the crowd why you love him/her
 +

Tell why the spouse is such a great match
+

Give your blessing to them
+

"Cheers!"
+

A big hug for both
=

A TRULY KILLER WEDDING TOAST

Go Get 'Em Tiger! 

Ask Ady: Budget Convo Advice

Dear Ady,

My fiancé has recently proposed and we are in the very early stages of planning our wedding.  Both sets of parents have previously alluded to contributing financially to the wedding, but since we have been engaged, neither has brought up the topic.  I know I need to establish my budget, but I have no idea what they are planning to give.  

I am feeling a little bit shy about asking for and discussing financial help for our big day, especially with my fiance's parents, and I was hoping you could give me some suggestions.  Do you have any recommendations on how to initially bring this topic up with our parents?  Is this a meeting that we have with both sets of parents together, or should we have separate conversations?  Thanks, Ady!  Any advice will help!

Sincerely,
Meghan J., Columbus, Ohio

Dear Meghan, 

Ah yes, the dreaded budget conversation.  This topic is tricky on many levels, but especially tricky when you have to bring it up!   Your first step will be to do your due diligence and put together a budget for what you THINK your wedding will cost.  Make some initial venue calls and put down some preliminary numbers on paper.  Be thorough - don't forget little details like tuxedo rentals, save the dates, and transportation.  Smaller budget items tend to add up quickly.  

After you have established your preliminary budget, talk with your fiancé about what the two of you can afford to contribute, IF you need to.  

At that point, it is best that you have individual conversations with your parents rather than a group conversation.  If you are uncomfortable about being included in the conversation with your fiance's parents, there may be a good reason for that.  You should each be prepared to speak to your parents privately and independently of each other.  

It is "tradition" that the bride's parents host the bulk of the wedding day activities, while the groom's parents host the rehearsal dinner and the "day-before" details.  It is important to ask your parents what their expectations are before launching into what you expect of them.  If the two expectations do not coincide, you will then need to have a deeper conversation about what you actually need.  

A few further bits of advice:  

Until you know how much you have to spend, refrain from making big planning decisions.  You don't want to blow a large chunk of your budget on a designer dress or super expensive venue if you can't actually afford it.  

Embrace your budget.  Whatever it is, is what it is.  You must work within it.  It does not make sense to go into debt to host a party more lavish than what you can comfortably pay for.  

Be grateful that your parent's are contributing to the costs, no matter how much that amount is.  Be sure to show them your gratitude.  

You can do it!  You aren't the first and won't be the last bride to find herself in this predicament.  It WILL work out!

xo, Ady 

Ask Ady: Cash Bar v. Hosted Bar

Dear Ady,

One of my good friends is in the middle of planning her wedding.  Sometimes she will ask for my advice on certain issues, as I have a very large family and have been a guest at many many receptions.  In a recent conversation, she had asked for my thoughts on hosting a cash bar at her wedding (which she is currently planning on).  In my opinion, I would not expect my guests to pay for a drink at my house, and therefore, I would not expect my friends and family to pay for a drink at my wedding.  Weddings are already expensive, and I know that adding in alcohol only makes those dollar signs go up, but are there any other opinions to make an open bar less expensive?  What are you thoughts on hosting a cash bar at a wedding?


Thanks for any advice,

Grace
Savannah, GA

Dear Grace, 

Ah yes, the cash bar conundrum.  Your instincts (and adherence to appropriate etiquette) are correct.  While offering a cash bar may seem like a great money saving option, it's terrible for your friend's PR.  If she TRULY cannot afford to provide alcohol for her guests, then I would recommend that she not serve it at her reception, at all.  Perhaps there is a bar in the venue open to the public that thirsty guests can visit if they need a drink - she should spread the word that this is the case so that guests are prepared for a dry(ish) wedding.  

She may also want to consider changing the format of her wedding.  If she is planning a sit-down dinner in the evening, perhaps it becomes a heavy hors d'oeuvres party which will free up dollars to include a bar.  Or perhaps, she hosts a beautiful brunch with just a bloody mary and mimosa bar.  

However, if she can eek out some dollars here and there to offer alcoholic beverages at her evening wedding, that is the way to go.  Even if it's just beer and inexpensive wine.  Guests will remember a cash bar long-after they will ever remember decor, the cake, favors, and other accoutrements so perhaps she reduces her budget for these items to allow for a hosted bar.  

Assuming that her wedding is still some time away, I would also suggest that she start saving monthly for the bar expenses.  Refraining from buying those new jeans here, or having a steak dinner there, will quickly add up to a nice little nest-egg to use toward her bar costs.  

The bottom line is this, most guests want to have an adult beverages at weddings.  Period.  Of these guests, few will feel warm and fuzzy about footing the bill.  Double Period. 

Grace - tread lightly when discussing this with your friend.  She may not take it well. And if she does go forth with a cash bar, I would recommend you carry a well-appointed flask in your evening bag.  

Good luck!

-Ady

Ask Ady:

Dear Ady,

I am a member of the bridal party in an upcoming fall wedding.  In regards to thanking the bride and groom, I have always wondered what the appropriate etiquette is for bridal party members after the festivities are over.  Is one to thank the bride and groom for having you participate in the special time in lives?  And, if bridal party gifts are given, is a thank you gesture necessary (something other than letting them know how appreciative you are in the moment)?  

Sincerely, 

Mary-Elle, Cincinnati, OH

Dear ME, 

While it is not necessary to send a thank-you for a thank-you, it is a lovely gesture to share your gratitude at having been a part of their special day.  This can be handled by a note post-festivities, as part of the sentiment in the card accompanying their gift, or by a special note to the bride/groom on the wedding day if a gift has been sent in advance. 

However, it IS appropriate (and often times forgotten) to thank the hosts for the wedding they hosted which you enjoyed.  Sending a note of thanks and cheer to the hosts (for a wedding or any event) is sure to make you stand out as a gracious guest and will ensure future invitations. 

A good rule of thumb...when in doubt, send a note.  At the very least, you will brighten the receivers day.  Everyone loves to receive a sweet piece of mail.   

xo, 

Ady 

Ask Ady: Destination Wedding Gift Giving

Dear Ady:

My new husband and I are attending a destination wedding for a good friend in Mexico. I have received invitations to the bachelorette party and shower. Do we buy this friend a wedding gift also or is attending her destination wedding gift enough?  What is the wedding etiquette with destination weddings when the travel is over $1000?

Not to mention, I did not invite her to any of my showers? 

Sincerely,

Mrs. Newly-Married-And-Trying-To-Furnish-A-Home

Dear Newly Married, 

Well, you aren't going to love my answer, but yes, you do need to give your friend a gift for her wedding.  It is your choice to attend her wedding whether it be in Mexico or around the corner from your own home.  Regarding the shower and bachelorette, again, the gracious thing to do is to also give a gift. 

However, you do not need to break the bank.  My advice is this.  Commit to a TOTAL gift amount in your mind.  Let's say $100. I know this is pillows for your new couch, but think how you would feel if guests attended your recent wedding and opted to have THEIR flight/hotel be YOUR wedding gift.  Out of that $100, purchase something small for the shower (around $20-$30).  Perhaps a fun cookbook or kitchen utensils from her registry.   Also, purchase something small for the Bachelorette (panties aren't THAT expensive), let's say $10, and with the $70 that is left, purchase a lovely something to send as the wedding gift. 

Note, if you don't attend the Bachelorette, you can get away with not giving a gift.  However, even if you do not attend the shower, you will still need to send something.  

It is important to remember that the couple should be given a gift as a THANK YOU for hosting you at what will surely be a beautiful evening in Mexico, and subsequently as a token to remember you by as they start their new life.  

Just buy a few fewer lattes over the next couple of months and you will rack up your "gift budget" quickly.  

xoxo, Ady 

ON THE FLIP SIDE....BRIDES!  Listen up!  Be sure to go easy on your guests and manage your expectations!  With destination wedding travel, it may be cost-prohibitive for some guests give a large gift.  Remember, the memories with your guests are the best gifts you will receive.   

One more tip, do not invite any guest to more than one shower with the exception of your immediate family and bridal party.  Be sure to let your bridal party/family know that you do not expect them to attend all showers and that you do not expect them to give you a shower gift, at all.  

Ask Ady: My BFF may not make a good MOH

Dear Ady-

My fiancé just proposed in February and we have been working on selecting friends and family to be a part of our bridal party.  My lifelong best friend is the woman I would like to be my maid of honor, but I have a few reservations.  She always makes herself the center of attention, whether or not it is someone else’s special day.  I am very worried that instead of supporting me, she will make my wedding all about herself.  Also, my fiancé and I are very thankful to both of our parents for the generous budget they have given us, allowing us to have an open bar throughout the entire reception!  My best friend, however, also has a problem with alcohol. She would argue that she doesn’t but she has never been able to control herself or stop after she has reached her limit.  This isn’t only a concern for being the maid of honor but also as a guest at our wedding. After all of the work, time and money our families will put into our wedding and engagement, we both want our wedding to be an event to remember for all the right reasons.  Should I choose someone else as my maid of honor?

Sincerely,

Megan H., Columbus, OH

Dear Megan,

Well, this is certainly a tricky and emotional subject.  If you are concerned that your bestie will be a source of stress and not take her role of MOH seriously and respectfully, then you may be better off with asking another person to fill this important role, or perhaps not choose to title someone MOH at all.  However, you cannot make this decision without ensuring that you have clearly spelled out your expectations to your BFF.  Without having a conversation with her, a Pandora's Box of speculation will open for her to wonder WHY she wasn't chosen, as clearly a lifelong best friend is always the obvious choice for the role of MOH.  You need to be very upfront with her.    

This leads me to a deeper thought...it sounds as if you and your bestie have had years of these situations that seem to be unresolved.  Perhaps this conversation on the MOH topic will allow you to also share your frustrations with her as an attention seeker, and more importantly, your worry over her binge drinking.  If you are truly lifelong friends with mutual respect for each other, this conversation should make your relationship stronger.  If it doesn't go that way, perhaps you will have learned a tough lesson in friendships: As you grow older, QUANTITY does not always make for QUALITY.    

What I will caution is this:  You can never change a person, you can only change how you choose to let that person affect you.  Change must always come from within.  

Sending you lots of luck on this, Megan.  An honest conversation is your first step. 

xoxo, 

Ady 

Wedding Wednesday: Something Blue...

Everyone is familiar with the old adage, “Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue” but few are aware of the history behind this charming wedding phrase.  The saying stems from an Old English Rhyme where the four objects are meant to bring the bride luck on her wedding day.  Each item represents a different blessing offered to the bride from an important person(s) in her life.  And here we bring you a little wedding history...

Something Old 

Symbolizing continuity within and support of the marriage from the bride’s family. 

This item traditionally is given to the bride by a female relative, but today, something from your dad, brother, or favorite uncle also works!  Could be anything small and easily worn on the wedding day.  A beautiful brooch on the bouquet from auntie, a bit of lace from mom's dress, or grandma's pearls are always a special way to go!  

Something New 

Gives the bride an optimistic outlook on her future as she begins her marriage. 

For many brides, this is her dress or ring, or another special gift given to her by her soon-to-be in-laws.  Something that representing her happy future within her role as a wife.  Again, should be easily carried or worn.  

Something Borrowed 

Embodies the happiness a loved one has for the bride.  

There is intimacy in borrowing a special item which your maid of honor, bridesmaid or special person carried on her wedding day with the blessing and support from that special friend of many happy years of marriage.  

Something Blue 

Represents the bride’s love and fidelity for her soon to be husband. 

Unlike many of the other objects, this is one the bride may choose for herself.  So, on that note, here are some of our favorite ideas!  

There are SO many chic ways to incorporate blue into your wedding day attire.  

SHOES (J'Adore!) 

Hey Lady Shoes Photo by: Amanda Julca Photography

Bridal Bouquet - you only need a few (or even 1) blue flower to make your statement!

Lora Ayers Photography

 We ADORE a Blue Accessory!  Hair, Earrings, Bracelets, ANYTHING!  

Haute Bride available at La Jeune Mariee

And while we love a blue accessory, we absolutely SWOON for a blue veil!

Gigi Burris Millinery

Want something a little more subtle?
Use blue thread to monogram or stitch a special thought into your dress. 

Beau-Coup Weddings 

The world is your blue-point oyster, ladies!  Go forth and conquer!  

xx, AE  

Written by Sarah Thomas

Ask Ady: Many guests have yet to RSVP!

Image & Design Courtesy of our Talented Friends at Ink and Ivory Design Studio 

Dear Ady,

My RSVP date for my wedding has recently come and gone.  Of 275 guests invited, only 175 have RSVP'd.  I don't understand what's holding the RSVP's up and I need to know final numbers.  I am getting quite frustrated with this rudeness and I don't know what to do?

Please help,

Losing It In Louisiana

Dear LIIL, 

Oh!  You poor thing...you are experiencing one of the most unnecessary frustrations of wedding planning, but take heart, your guests are not the only 'less than prompt' responders.  This is an extremely common (although, AHEM GUESTS, unacceptable) phenomenon.   

Here's what to do...
Since your RSVP date has now come and gone, it's time to start personally contacting guests to ask for their RSVP.  Do not do this alone!  Recruit your family and fiance to reach out, as well.  Divide the list and assign your helpers their contacts and a date you would like them to have the answer by.  

Now, here is the hard part, try your very best to put on your gracious host hat and stay calm and lovely when making your calls/sending your emails.  These folks are your dearly beloved and even though they have not followed proper RSVP etiquette, it is not your job to remind them of this.  A simple, sweet email/phone call is all you need to get your answer and move on to the next.  

Word to Guests - please take RSVP's seriously.  For weddings or any events.  Knowing whether or not you will attend is very important to these final, stressful, stages of planning.  Take heart and do your part - don't make that poor bride call you!  

xoxo, 

Ady  

Dan + Alicia's Same-Day-Edit Video

We just loved being a part of Dan and Alicia's special New Year's Eve celebration on 12.31.12.  The couple was amazing and SO in love and the details of the wedding were incredible.  The whole family and wedding party were just a delight.  Here is a quick preview of their day, captured by the impeccable Steve and team at Studio Z Films and shown at MIDNIGHT...ENJOY!  (we sure did)!

xx, AE

Wedding Wednesday: Ask Ady!

Ask Ady!  I don't want to attend my ex's wedding solo!  

Image courtesy of our ever-talented friends at Ink and Ivory Design Studio

Dear Ady, 

I was originally invited to my ex-boyfriends wedding (an ex from 10+ years ago).  We have remained very good friends.  When the save the date arrived my boyfriend at the time and I were invited together and both planned to attend.  Said boyfriend and I have now broken up and the wedding invitation I received did not include a guest.  I don’t know why but it bothered me, but also, I don’t want to attend solo.   Should I ask the groom, my long-time friend and ex, if I can bring a date?   Or is that inappropriate?

Helpless in Hoboken, 

Ellie, Hoboken, NJ

Dear Ellie, 

You should not ask to bring a date if your hosts did not specify on the invitation that you may.  Often times, the bride and groom prefer to keep their guest list limited to only those that they know personally, hence, your most recent ex being invited initially.  Since they chose to leave "and guest" off the invitation, they have sent a clear message that they would prefer that just you attend their wedding. 

Furthermore, examine the reasons why you would be hesitant to attend alone.  If you will be uncomfortable to see your ex get married, or won't know anyone at your table, for examples, I say it's probably best to not attend at all.  Having a "wingman" attend with you will not make any of the reasons you are hesitant better.  Again, you may want to give these reasons further thought - 9 times out of 10, ex's getting married bring up well-buried emotions no matter HOW long you have been out of the relationship.  You know best if you fall into the 9 category, or are the 1 who was able to move on with no strings attached.  

My advice?  Send a lovely gift and your best wishes. 

I hope I "Helped you in Hoboken!"  :) 

- Ady 

Ask Ady: Is Burlap Over?

Dear Ady,

I am getting married in 10 months and have been on Pinterest, Facebook, event blogs, etc. and have seen many couples using burlap as their “theme”.   I really love the natural look and the subtle texture it adds to the space. But, our wedding is almost a year away and I am afraid that the burlap trend may already be on it’s way out…what do you think?  Should we jump on board with this even though it seems like it's the trendy thing to do?  I don't want to regret my decor decisions.   

- Nan, Denver, CO 

Hi Nan!  

Thanks for writing in.  You bring up a very interesting conversation.  First of all, you are falling prey to the less-than-lovely side of Pinterest, event blogs, and the plethora of information on the internet.  While it's fantastic to be able to find a picture or inspiration for almost anything you can dream up, it is also possible to get discouraged by seeing so much of it.  I would caution you to go easy on planning your wedding from Pinterest picks.  Certainly play around for inspiration, but don't get bogged down by it.  Keep your ahead above the water!

Now onto the question at hand.  Yes, burlap has been very popular recently.  And yes, it is highly likely that burlap will become the tulle of yesterday.  However, tulle had a long and fabulous run as the reigning queen of 80's to early 2000's wedding decor.  The reasons?  It adds softness and texture and beauty to a space - it is also reasonably priced.   The same is true for burlap.  If you are hosting an outdoor or more rustic wedding (I assume you might be since you are writing to me from Colorado), I say go for it and use burlap.  Honestly, there isn't a fabric that compares.  But then, do be careful to not use some of the other elements we are seeing paired so often with burlap - step away from the burlap Pinterest boards!   Think outside the box!  You can mix and match and create a beautiful result.  One you will be very pleased by.  

However, I don't recommend using burlap just for the sake of it.  It has it's place and it should stay there.  No burlap in ballrooms, please!  

Bottom line, use what you love in your decor plan and forget about the "trends."  In fact, it might just be time for our friend Ms. Tulle to come out of hiding.  Hmmmm - burlap and tulle??  Our wheels are spinning. 

xo, 

Ady   

Happy Hour with AE: Sparkling Lemonady

SPARKLING LEMONADY

Today, we are bringing you our favorite lemonade recipe!  This lemonade is always a crowd pleaser, looks beautiful, tastes delicious and for the busy "hostess with the mostess", it's very easy to make!


Ingredients*:

1 large bottle of store bought pink lemonade (we love Santa Cruz organic)

2 cans of San Pellegrino Limonata 

20-30 fresh raspberries pureed

15-20 fresh whole raspberries as garnish

Vodka to taste (and desired potency)  We have been loving Buckeye Vodka lately - great smooth taste.  Note: We don't recommend using raspberry vodka, however, cucumber vodka does taste delicious.  For a sweeter version, strawberry vodka works well, too.

If you have it, the addition of St. Germain liqueur (again to taste and potency) adds a lovely flavor.

Optional: muddled mint or basil (use a speck of sugar and water when muddling).  Note: It's best to use mint/basil when using a container with a spout to serve.  Serving from a punch bowl or pitcher doesn't filter the leaves, thus your guest(s) may find something unsightly in her pretty smile.    

Instructions:

Combine all ingredients** EXCEPT whole raspberries 2-4 hours before serving and chill.  When you are ready to serve, add the raspberries, stir, and VOILA!   Looks darling in a pretty glass pitcher, punch bowl, champagne flutes, mason jars, juice glasses, anything really!

* we have played around with this recipe A LOT and so many variations of are DELICIOUS.  Play around and have fun!  As any girlie girl knows, you can't go wrong with pink, sparkles and vodka!  xo

** for extra fizz, add another 1/2 can of Limonata

We will be serving this tomorrow at the 2nd Annual Tea For 2, 200 for Tea hosted by the lovely Darci Congrove and German Village Guest House.  This event is so much fun!  Hats, gardens, pretty dresses, yummy drinks and nibbles!  We hear a few tickets may still be available!

Cheers!

-AE

Press! Etiquette advice from AE!

So excited to have been featured in Capital Style's latest blog posting on manners.  We have Ms. Emily Post to thank for the knowledge!  We are always taking questions, so send our way and we may feature you on "Ask Ady."  Don't worry, you always have the opportunity to be anonymous!

http://www.capital-style.com/content/blogs/the-daily-dish/2012/01/wedding-etiquette.html

Ask Ady: Can I bring my kids?

Dear Ady,

I recently received an invitation to a close friend's wedding (I am not in it) and it was addressed to just my husband and me.  I would really prefer to bring my kids since it's an out-of-town wedding, but I am not sure that that is appropriate.  However, I have heard that if a couple really wants no kids at the wedding, the invitation would read "Adults Only."  What are your thoughts?

Thanks,

Carrie G., Columbus, OH

Dear C.G.,

"Adults Only" is verbiage frowned upon by most etiquette experts (myself included) and is not widely used.  I encourage my clients to steer guests away from bringing children by simply not inviting them. SOOOO, let's assume for assuming sake that if your friend addressed the invitation to just you and your husband, she would prefer that just the two of you attend. 

Your best bet here is to book a babysitter for the night, kick your heels up, and have fun at your friend's wedding SANS kiddos.  . 

On that note, it is important to remember that their choice to not invite children has nothing to do SPECIFICALLY with your kids.  Children at weddings (when the couple is not prepared to host them) can pose several stressors on the planning - What will they eat?  Do they need a booster seat or high-chair?  How does this affect seating arrangements?  What will they play with?  And the list goes on...

If traveling without your children to the wedding is not possible, perhaps call the hotel and inquire about a babysitting service on-site.  This may be the best of both worlds for you.  The kids are close to you, but you and hubby will also be (mostly) free to enjoy an adult evening.  Hotel-recommended sitters are most often insured and CPR-trained and come with the *good faith* of the hotel, so they are a very safe option.  

However, as a last last LAST resort, and only if you are EXTREMELY close with this bride, you may want to have a simple conversation with her.  It is best to call your friend (rather than e-mail) and let her know your predicament and ask her gently if she would be amenable to allowing your kids to attend her wedding.  It would also be kind to allow her time to think on this before answering.  Be sure to let her know (and 110% follow through) that you will be entirely responsible for the comfort of your children.  Meaning - you will provide their dinner, share your two seats with them, make sure that they are entertained and well-behaved and that she WILL NOT have to worry about or incur cost for them. If she does allow your children to attend, it would be gracious to give the couple an additional gift just from the kids.   However do be prepared, she may choose to stand-firm on "no children," and you must accept her choice good-naturedly.

My vote?  Option 1 or 2. 

- Ady